For years, panic attacks were a significant part of my life, and at times, they were the most horrific experiences I had ever faced. The instances where I believed I was done for, moments away from death, are too numerous to count. Today, I'll share another instance when panic attacks took over, and I felt utterly helpless to stop them. Additionally, my close friend, Sam, recently experienced a severe panic attack and wanted to share his story here.
I was traversing the center of Australia, a period in my life when panic attacks were still a frequent occurrence. The frequency varied – sometimes five to seven times a day, and other times, I'd be panic-free for a week or two, or even up to a month. So, I never knew when they would strike, but when they did, it was a genuinely terrifying and very real experience.
This particular panic attack struck while I was driving through the vastness of central Australia. I had started my day early, covering several hundred kilometers without any issues. I stopped at a roadhouse, filled up with fuel, and had breakfast, spending about an hour there. Feeling ready to continue, I pulled onto the main highway and drove about ten kilometers when it hit me – a massive panic attack that hit me like a freight train. I froze, nearly stopping in the middle of the road, overcome by an imminent sensation of impending doom and the fear that I was going to die. The feeling at that moment was nothing short of horrific.
Let me explain: the central part of Australia it is barren, with vast expanses where you can turn 360 degrees and see nothing in any direction. Shaking and with my heart racing, I managed to pull off the road, realising I needed to get off in case of a truck coming from behind. As soon as I turned the car around and headed back to the roadhouse, the panic attack stopped. Still shaky but feeling safer, I questioned myself at the roadhouse, trying to understand why the panic attack occurred.
After an unplanned rest, I gathered courage for another attempt. However, in almost the exact same spot, the panic attack struck again, even worse this time. I froze with my head on the steering wheel. Once more, I managed to turn the car around and drove back to the roadhouse, where I would again feel safe. My heart was still racing, but the dread and doom had subsided, knowing that this roadhouse was my safety net, for now anyway.
Frustration and thoughts of calling off the trip consumed me. While sitting at the roadhouse, I observed vehicles coming and going. A thought occurred to me, perhaps guided by my angels – if I could travel behind or in front of another vehicle, someone would be there to help in case of a panic attack in the middle of nowhere. I waited until a loaded car came in for fuel, approached the driver casually, and discovered they were heading to the same destination that night.
Feeling safer, I left before them, stayed close, and miraculously, I reached my destination without further panic attacks, realising that the presence of another vehicle provided a sense of safety. What should have been an eight-hour journey took sixteen hours.
Now, I'll hand over the narrative to my close friend Sam.
Recently, I embarked on what I planned to be a three-day solo drive across Australia to visit family. Two days into the journey, covering about 2500km, I had experienced isolated countryside and short rests. Exhausted, I checked into a hotel for the night, planning an early start for another 1300km of driving the next day. After an early dinner and bedtime at 9 pm, I woke up suddenly at 10 pm. My heart was pounding, and an overwhelming feeling of imminent doom consumed me. I felt suffocated in my room, clammy and short of breath, without knowing why. Pacing around didn't help, and after ten minutes, unable to bear it any longer, I left and drove straight to the closest hospital, 10km away.
Upon reaching the emergency department, the panic attack subsided, leaving me stressed but not panicked. Terrified that the feeling would return, I spent two hours walking around the hospital perimeter, too scared to leave. Exhausted by midnight, I convinced myself to drive back to my room. However, panic struck again, prompting me to pack my bags and leave. I started the 1300km drive to my destination at 1:30 am.
That night and the following day were incredibly challenging, and while driving kept the panic at bay, it lingered. I stopped at several small regional hospitals along the way, feeling slightly better each time, a belief that someone would be there to help if needed. The journey continued through the dark morning, the darkness feeling immense and consuming. Relief came with the sunrise, surrounded by light suppressing the fear. I spoke to my closest friend, Tony, several times, gaining wisdom and advice and providing the mental strength to press on. After 19 hours of driving, I reached my family's house at around 8 pm, drained and falling into a deep sleep for 10 hours.
It took several days for the feelings of darkness and fear to dissipate. Even surrounded by my loving family, I couldn't shake the fear and helplessness. Reflecting on the experience, I realised that in the weeks leading up to the attack, I had ignored my intuition (soul) and let self-doubt (ego) creep into my thoughts. Neglecting important aspects of my life, such as regular exercise, self-love, and appreciating the little things, contributed to the panic attack. Most importantly, this experience taught me that I needed to go through it to grow as a human and understand myself and my limitations on a deeper level.
Love, Light and Blessings.