After my drinking days, I found myself in a constant search for something, though I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. I often thought it might be money, believing that wealth would bring me genuine happiness. However, having more money than most didn't make me truly happy. Sure, I could acquire anything I wanted, but that wasn't the real source of happiness. I yearned to wake up every morning with a big grin on my face, ready to embrace a joy-filled day without a care in the world.
Without judgment or malice, I acknowledge that my partner at the time and I were never destined to last. Looking back, I doubt I ever truly loved her. Yes, there was lust for a while, but the deep love that two people are supposed to share was absent. I recall her telling me one day that she didn't love me, yet we continued to stay together, perhaps out of a sense of obligation or societal expectation. The relief was immense when we finally parted ways.
It was during this phase of my life, when my sons were born, that and another life-changing event occurred – I contracted Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a disease that attacks the nervous system, leaving me almost completely paralyzed. I could still breathe on my own, but everything else had ceased to operate. It was a time of deep reflection about my past, the lost years of drinking and drugs, and the realization that money and materialism didn't equate to true happiness.
During my hospitalization, I began receiving visits from my Nan through spirit, along with visits from my Angels, especially Archangel Michael and his cobalt blue light. They assured me that I would recover, but it would require time and changes would be made in my life, including separating from my partner. During this challenging time, I also met a couple of Angel women, including a young lady who had recovered from the same disease. Her positivity and encouragement were pivotal in my journey to recovery.
It's remarkable how sometimes, in the briefest moments, we can form connections that feel timeless. Meeting Robyn was one such experience. Although our encounter lasted only three hours, it felt as if I had known her for my entire existence. The depth of our connection transcended the limitations of time, leaving a lasting imprint on my heart and soul.
After ten weeks in the hospital, I walked out slowly with two walking sticks, feeling as if I had won the biggest marathon in life. It was a day filled with tears, gratitude for the nurses and a doctor who had been like earth Angels, and a deep sense of accomplishment. There were still days and months of therapy ahead, but I was on my way to a new life. Therapy, both in the pool and at the outpatient department, became a routine. It was at the outpatient sessions where I encountered another Angel, Gertie, an indigenous woman in her mid-fifties. Her inspirational presence and our brief but profound conversations left a lasting impact on me just like it had with Robyn.
From these crucial moments, I understood that it was time for change – to become a guiding light for others. I felt equipped to help people on their journeys, but I knew there were still many lessons to learn before I could genuinely say I am happy with who I am, at peace, and truly love myself.
A few years after recovering from the disease, I found myself back at 100%, with my marriage now ended – a positive outcome in hindsight. I harbored some bitterness towards my ex-wife initially, but once I let go of the resentment, my life started to improve. I blessed her in my mind, sent her love, and learned about cord cutting. I severed all ties with her, and while I don't think I've laid eyes on her since, I genuinely wish her a good life.
Despite these positive changes, I still had much to learn and experience before becoming the person I am today. The search for jobs and the constant moving continued to be the norm. I did settle in one place for a while to allow my two boys to grow up, but as soon as they reached adulthood, I was off again, seeking what I called "home." I had lived in many places, but none ever felt like home. Each time I moved to a new town, I would initially think, "This is it," only to realize a few days later that it wasn't. The elusive feeling of peace and belonging escaped me.
Reflecting on my role as a father, I acknowledge that, on the whole, I may not have done a great job. In all honesty, I don't believe I was naturally cut out to be a dad, and that reality manifested in my approach to raising my two kids.
Despite these challenges, I deeply love my two boys. Even though my eldest is currently not talking to me, I understand that people take different paths in life, and relationships can become strained. Nevertheless, the love I feel for him remains unwavering. Parenting, on the whole, may have been a bit of a letdown on my part, and I recognize that I could have done things differently. Life happens, and we navigate our paths as best we can.
When my boys were born, there was no guidebook handed to me by God, but then again, I suppose no one gets one. Looking back, I realize that I might have been too selfish to be a good parent. Throughout my life, I've always cherished my freedom and the ability to make choices according to my own desires and schedule. Partners, wives, girlfriends, and children often felt like obstacles, hindering me from doing what I believed I truly wanted to do.
I am far from perfect, but these days, I have gained some insights into life and how we should live as a whole. My life has taken numerous twists and turns, but with each experience, I've picked up valuable lessons that have turned into wisdom. Now, I find that I can offer help to many people, thanks to the lessons learned from my trials and errors and the knowledge gained through courses and personal growth.
In Love, Light and Blessings