Getting to where I am today and representing what I stand for in life wasn't an easy journey. I don't often like talking about myself; I'd much rather sit in a corner, writing or reading a book, or taking my bike out for a ride, an activity I thoroughly enjoy. Riding alone gives me the space to have all my thoughts to myself, to go at my own pace, stop for coffee or a bite to eat, and reflect on my life without worrying about the future. I prefer to let my life unfold naturally.
Growing up wasn't an easy task for me, and as I've mentioned in other blogs, I was very different from the rest of my family. None of them truly knew the real me, and perhaps, even today, they still don't know the real me. That's okay; I am who I am, and if they disagree, it's merely their opinion.
From a young age, I harbored a fear of them discovering my true self. My Nan, a significant influence in my life, advised me not to talk too much about Angels and the spirit guides I sensed around me. She warned that others might ridicule me, unable to comprehend what I was saying. In a world where belief often hinges on what is visible, the unseen often faces skepticism. Life, in this aspect, was tough. Not in a negative way – I wasn't treated as a complete outcast. It was more about not fitting in, finding solace in solitude, spending hours conversing with God and my spirit guides. In those moments, I lived in a dreamland where nothing could harm me.
My Nan became a savior during these times. She would engage in conversations with me on these topics, providing comfort and understanding. Being with her became a refuge, a source of connection that I cherished whenever possible.
As I approached high school (a place I detested), I started drinking and doing drugs. Initially, just a little, but soon it escalated. I'm grateful for that period of alcoholism; it taught me valuable life lessons. Looking back, I still can't fathom the quantities we consumed, but the body proved to be a remarkable vessel for the abuse that I was able to give it.
Fast forward to age 23, and my dark days with drugs and alcohol were behind me. It was time to return to my spiritual path. My Nan had passed away by then, leaving me with only memories of our conversations. The journey to sobriety was challenging; panic attacks during the drying-out phase were brutal not once but many times. In this tough time, I met a man who introduced me to meditation. It provided solace when done together, but attempting it alone brought back panic attacks. I persevered, and eventually, meditation became a source of peace and clarity.
After a decade of drinking and drug use, and with the alcohol my family consumed over their lifetimes, it's interesting to note that my parents rarely drank. My dad never drank, and my mom occasionally had a drink. In contrast, her sons, including myself, were big drinkers. I quit at 23, and while I've had an occasional drink since, it's minimal. It's curious how, during my full-on alcoholic days, the family distanced themselves. Even now, with little to no drinking, I still feel like the outcast. Regardless, I've always embraced being different.
I'm not blaming my family or friends; I just think differently. I'm content with my uniqueness and am not concerned about others' opinions. I am me, and I love who I am. My thoughts and my way of life are my journey. My wish for my family is for them to realize they are souls on their own journey and should follow their soul's guidance. It might be challenging due to their lifestyle choices, but that's their journey and they are the only ones who can change themselves.
For the next 10 years a journey of what I thought was self-discovery, and then reaching the age of 33 that was the year that turned out to be a significant milestone for me. The period leading up to this age seems to have been characterized by a search for fulfillment, with experiences of moving between jobs and places, trying to find a sense of purpose and satisfaction.
Many individuals go through phases of uncertainty and restlessness in their early adulthood, trying to figure out what aligns with their true desires and aspirations. It's not uncommon to experience the feeling that a particular job or location is not the right fit, despite initial expectations.
Reaching that year when I turned 33 was a year of significant personal growth where I gained a clearer understanding of my values, passions, and the kind of life I wanted to lead. It's not uncommon for people to undergo a transformation or gain a sense of direction as they move through their twenties and into their thirties.
That period leading up to and including my 33rd year, was navigated through with resilience. Life threw me many unexpected twists and turns, but it still did not prepare me for the challenges that were again to come my way.
That year was a particular period that brought a unique set of circumstances that were extremely challenging yet also transformative. It's common for people to face unexpected events or circumstances that can be emotionally and mentally demanding.
The strength in navigating through these uncertainties was so testing, yet there was no way I would give up, as sometimes, our ability to cope with challenges comes from a place within us that we might not fully understand.
As we continue to grow on our journeys, it is always valuable to reflect on the lessons you've learned during this period, the strengths you've discovered within yourself, and how these experiences have shaped your outlook on life. Sometimes, challenges can be opportunities for growth, providing insights that contribute to personal development, and strength you did not know you possessed.
Remember that it's okay not to have all the answers as we can still grow and learn; what is expected, though, is the ability to keep going and learning about every aspect of life. What matters is the resilience and adaptability you've shown in getting through these difficult times.
In love, light, and blessings.